Jokes aside, amid my discouragement I had to remind myself that I had a pretty good week last week, and that I've come quite a ways since the first of the year. I decided to snap a photo for comparison.
In measurements:
Bust -5 inches
Waist -6 inches
Hips -5 inches
Thinking about Addie going through that in 11 years makes me incredibly sad. I never, ever want my daughter (or sons, for that matter) to feel like they have to look a certain way to be accepted. And I want to clarify, my own Mom never made me feel bad about my appearance or size, and I have no memory of Mom ever dieting, other than drinking Diet Coke. I had a friend who's mom was always on a diet. At supper she would sit on a stool at the corner of the table and drink but not eat. I thought it was the strangest thing, but it wasn't just that. I heard other people comment on their daughter's size, or make comments about others. Our society consistently puts "image" on a pedestal. And of course, I compared myself to them.
I found a post recently that made so much sense to me. Rather than try to paraphrase, I'm copying the majority of it here.
How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don't say anything if she's lost weight. Don't say anything if she's gained weight.
If you think your daughter's body looks amazing, don't say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
"You look so healthy!" is a great one. [I was told this a lot when I was younger, and I took it to mean "you have enough meat on your bones that you could miss a week of suppers and be just fine." I think eliminating "looks" from any compliment is a good idea. "You are healthy! You are strong!"]
Or how about, "You're looking so strong."
"I can see how happy you are -- you're glowing."
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don't comment on other women's bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don't you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don't go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don't say, "I'm not eating carbs right now." Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that's a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you'll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn't absolutely in love with.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom's recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don't. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.
~ Sarah Koppelkam
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