The Downward Spiral

"Are you feeling alright? You haven't exactly been yourself lately," asked my husband recently.

You can feel yourself falling, slipping into old patterns; bad habits are sliding back into every day normalcy. You can feel the irritability and frustration at almost everything creeping in. You want to snap at the smallest things. Tears spring to your eyes at the littlest perceived offences. No one understands. Rooms are too small, clothes are too snug, nothing is right. You remember how refreshing it is getting together with friends...but this dark hole of seclusion that has built itself around you holds you in as if powered by some kind of magnestism. Sleep does not cure the exhaustion you feel. You know fresh air and sunshine have amazing restorative benefits, but it seems like too great an effort to pull yourself out. After all, it takes over an hour to get everyone dressed. The littlest will be crying on the floor and bathed in sweat by the time you get yourself bundled up. Beside that, all those dishes won't wash themselves; all this homework doesn't mark itself. You still haven't taken down the Christmas tree, for Pete's sake, why would you think it's ok to run off? Catch up a bit and then you'll really deserve a break. Later...you'll do it later. Next week you'll see if someone is free to get together. But only if you finish the ten projects you've secretly committed to in your mind. Later.

You see the tidal wave surging toward you but feel powerless against it. Why can't you just be that person who always lifts others up? Why can't you just be the joyful one? There's hope...there's always hope. But from where? Which direction do you turn? How do you fight an enemy you cannot see?

Up. Look up.