Scale Saturday 2018: Week 18

I decided I need to brush off the best of my creative writing skills to power me through this one. I did not want to write this post, but am here simply because of the same reasons I stated last week. I cannot give up. This is a real life counter to those fabulous weeks I lost 5-11 lbs.

I sat down at the keyboard with my lovely steaming hot cup of aromatic coffee this morning and listened to the birds sing...for a split second...and then...whooo hoooooo.... My husband, a staunchly unapologetic fan of 80's music, had cranked Pandora in the bathroom. Michael Jackson was ruining the the birds' serenade that I've eagerly waited the last 24 hours for.

The hormones that made me inhale six mini M&M packets before bed the other night had me burst into tears like a big baby. The little mom voice in my head warned good thing no one can hear you. This is really immature, Julie. Pull yourself together. WWAMD? What would adult me do?

I went to get earplugs. Really? Earplugs? I don't want to stick these things in my ears! I want to hear the birds! *sob*

"Babe...can you please turn that down?...BABE? DOES THAT HAVE TO BE SO LOUD? BABE! IT'S REALLY GRATING ON MY NERVES!" *sob*

"Oh..sure Babydoll, just a minute."

Settling back in my chair I heard another squawk and held my breath to listen. Not a bird. Not me, either. It was the real baby this time. The one that wants to be held for an hour after she wakes every morning. The one who spills my lovely steaming hot aromatic coffee because she wants a sip just like mama. And pushes buttons and puts the computer in sleep mode while I'm typing.

*sob*

I cannot be upset or disappointed. One look at this beautiful little face melts my heart. And do do da babababa is ultimately more melodic than any bird tune. Her hair smells like fresh sun-kissed laundry, and one morning she will wake and not want to snuggle in my lap. These moments are more precious than gold.

So often when I have a little corner of my day hollowed out and a certain plan on how to enjoy it, nothing goes as I hoped. I firmly believe that it's God molding me as clay on the potter's wheel. As disappointed as I feel at times, in retrospect I've realized the moments that are the most precious to me are those that cannot be planned. It's all part of the bigger picture of life. And if you've wondered what all this blabbering has to do with the scale...well, that's pretty much it. Nothing new from what I've said in the past, just a more dramatic presentation of it to mask the fact that...I've got nothing else inspirational to offer.

My favorite time of year is upon us. And when I wrote favorite at first it came out favotire. Whether it was an honest typo flip or a subconscious anagram, it was appropriate. Favorite but tiring. My only saving grace this week was how busy this time of year is. We've been outside the majority of the time when it's not raining. We got half the garden planted. I got most of the back yard raked and a good 60 ft. stretch of the creek banks cleared of saplings, sticks, leaves, and debris. I pulled out two dead honeysuckle bushes and restacked our woodpile. I cleared the dead growth and leaves from beds. I'm in the process of raking all the rocks out of the beds surrounding the house so I can put in wild flowers and an herb garden.

Yesterday we had our last nature study for the academic year at a local nature preserve. Looking back, I can't believe I took five kids to this by myself. Ian is the child that is totally okay with running ahead out of sight...exhilarated by being "lost", running 100 miles an hour down these treacherous steps carved into decaying woodland, and is completely fine with adopting himself out to strange random families who are also traversing the trails. This was my treadmill:

And I am totally not in as good of shape as I thought I was! My knees are screaming at me today. But we made it home with all five still accounted for, and no broken bones.

I have not resumed tracking calories in my food journal. After a two week hiatus from the scale and almost completely abandoning calorie restriction, I hopped on today to find four extra pounds. It's not as bad as I had feared. I'm considering this last five week stretch my "treading water" break. I have every good intention of dragging both feet back on the wagon next week.

Scale Saturday 2018: Week 1

With the dawn of a New Year, so many resolve to reinvent themselves. While I don't buy into the idea that a new year is the key that will suddenly make goals attainable, January 1st this year conveniently landed on a Monday, and also on the day I decided to take control of my health...again (as much as is possible, anyway). Four days into this new start I decided to revive my "Scale Saturday" posts as a way to stay accountable to my goals. The last time knowing I had a number to report made all the difference in whether or not I shoved some high calorie trash in my mouth in the middle of the night. My goal is to lose 68 pounds. Not being my first rodeo, I know at that goal weight I feel my best, and I can maintain it fairly easily.

My morning tools. Coffee, taco egg whites with taco sauce, grapefruit, and my food journal. In the journal I record every weight-in, up or down, if my weight changes, and the food/calories I consume a day. My daily caloric goal is 1400 or under.

I'm a procrastinator at heart, so putting this off until after the holidays seemed like the obvious route for me. And since the first couple months establishing new habits are the hardest, starting off with so many temptations around seemed like setting myself up for failure. We had so many Christmas goodies laying around. Yes, even with my self-lecturing "there will always be more cake and pasta and bacon! Remember how good you felt when you were healthier? Remember how happier you were? This will help you be a better wife and mother!" 

Starting was the easy part. Continuing...not so much. I have not felt well the past couple months, and I held no illusion that my diet wasn't a contributing factor. Some days I felt downright rotten. A couple times I tried cutting back on eating and I'd feel dizzy until I ate something. I wondered if I had given myself diabetes. Despite procrastination, I honestly tried to reduce my sugar intake in December, which made this week's start possible. I'm in the absolute worst shape of my non-pregnant life--yes, even worse than last time. My body aches and my knee always hurts now. It clicks when I walk, not just when I'm heading up the stairs. I have bursitis in it again, something I've only had when I'm overweight. Yikes, right?

I'd like to introduce you to my exercise partner. (She comes by her cheeks naturally!) She's been very needy lately so this way I can move and keep her happy. You guys, I still look pregnant. Kind people say, "Oh, you just had a baby!" But...my baby is 8 months old. No more excuses! My exercise routine is simply trying to walk around the house for an hour a day, on top of my regular activity. I'll increase exercise when I decrease my size and the stress on my bones.

This was taken two years ago this month, at my goal weight. A couple months later I experienced my third miscarriage, and started emotional-eating again. A few weeks after that we found the house we wanted to buy, which turned into a stressful two-month rollercoaster ride. Three weeks after we closed on this house, I became pregnant with Addie. 

I'm calling this first week a success, even though I had a couple middle-of-the-night weak points where I inhaled a cinnamon roll and some fudge. I understand these results are not normal, simply because I have so much to lose at this point. Please pray for me! And Happy Epiphany!

These results seemed unreal (maybe this old scale is off, although it's always been reliable in the past?), so I also measured bust, waist, and hips...and I'm happy to report that I'm also down 2-3 inches on each measurement! Deo gratias!