Finding My Voice

The last two years have been the hardest of my life. While 2020 has become the year of awful things, for me this particular season of struggle precedes the pandemic and is completely unrelated. My weight has been a sheer roller-coaster during this time in testament to the struggle to manage my emotions. At our lowest we have somehow obtained the grace to move on to the next minute, then to the next hour, and we find ourselves waking day after day with hope that we will make it through to the next.

Such a dramatic introduction begs an explanation, but many of the stories we've lived are not just mine to tell. They belong also to the people I love and care for. 

Being there for a person sometimes means being a keeper of secrets, a shoulder to cry on, and a soft place to land when things are not going well. At other times it means being the voice of what's right and good in a world twisted, whispering when you want to scream, and getting knee-deep in the muck to help hold up someone who can't pull themselves out. God have mercy on me where I've failed.

I'm a pourer of emotions, which makes it difficult to write when I know I may give way to the indulgence of venting publicly. So I've gone back to my personal venting medium lately, the journal. Oh, how therapeutic it is! And once the frustration has been exhausted, I again feel free to share with others what is not quite so dramatic.

The overlapping of summer and school is the busiest and most challenging season for me. Guilt at having so many projects to finish outside collides with the need to have a strong start to the academic year and an orderly home to stave off chaos and stress. What I want to do is often at war with what I need to do...and oh! to have the wisdom to know the difference! It's enough to drive a person mad.

And yes, this is the "nowhere" post I chose to write to tell you that I intend to start blogging more again. I have to try at least once a year! <insert winky smiley face>

I'll end with a few photos of things that have given me peace during this crazy time.