Life Lately ~ January 2021

Snow is softly falling in the dim light of this winter dawn, transforming the world outside my window into an exquisite masterpiece. A soft and cuddly brute of a pup warms my feet while a steaming cup warms my hand. The world may be in a tumult at the moment, yet here there is peace.

There is merit in suffering and trial if handled with humility and abandonment to God's will. I am incredibly humbled that God has spared me a heavy cross recently. And I'm not telling this story to yell from the rooftops that God is so good for sparing me (HE IS), but that He would still be the same good God even if He had asked a major sacrifice of me. And He will at some point down the road.

I hesitate to even tell it because so many have had similar scares, and my heart goes out to those who have realized the worst of their fears. There's no greater lesson in empathy than being faced with the possibility of the same.

In early November I had a physical and brought up a strange spot in one of my breasts. A mammogram was ordered for the next week, which turned into a series of mammograms and ultrasounds that highlighted two other "areas of concern." After consulting with the radiologist it was determined that I should have an MRI, because while one spot almost certainly was a benign cyst, the other was still concerning. The language used was, "I'm not saying you have cancer, but I'm not saying you don't. It could go either way." I went to get gas after that appointment and stood at the pump bawling.

Because of the nature of these things, the MRI was scheduled a month later. And then we got Covid the week I was supposed to go in. This pushed everything back another month. Waiting, a struggle for me naturally, was a lesson in living one day at a time. When I felt anxiety creeping in it was time to get busy, and "My Jesus, I trust in You," was often on my lips. 

And when the MRI results came back and were still concerning, the habits of trust and abandonment to God were there, better because they had been used often. The biopsy was scheduled a week later, and then there were three days waiting for results. When the nurse called to tell me, "There is no cancer and no precancerous tissue was found. The tumor [that was completely removed] was a fibroadenoma and never would have developed cancer," I cried with relief.

The joy and thankfulness from this experience has stayed with me. I have not been plagued by any of the usual post-holiday depression. Deo gratias!

I want in particular to mention how kind and caring the nurses were in the imaging department. They treated me with dignity (and anyone who has had a breast MRI knows how very undignified and uncomfortable they are) and did everything they could to make me comfortable. They made me feel as though everything was going to be okay, no matter what, and I thought of all the women they must have helped through for whom everything has not been okay. It takes a special kind of person to fill those shoes.

I devoured books as part of my survival routine in December, but it slowed drastically in January with much less anxiety on my plate. I'm going to have to step it up a notch if I'm going to hit my reading goal of 35 books this year. I just finished reading Called to be Creative by Mary Potter Kenyon. I also started a new novel in January by Kate Morton, The Forgotten Garden, which I'm enjoying immensely. Her writing style is very poetical and mysterious, blending mystery and history as puzzle pieces fall into place over several generations. I also loved her book, The Clockmaker's Daughter. My spiritual reading is still Divine Intimacy by Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalen, which has daily readings that span the entire liturgical year.

This month has slipped by so incredibly fast that one day blends into another and we find we have not done much together outside of the daily grind. We did take a road trip up to Minnesota one Saturday to pick up an antique poplar wardrobe I found on the Marketplace. It replaced the cheap pressed board wardrobe that was left here by the previous owner which housed school supplies, my fabric stash, and craft supplies. The new wardrobe is taller but a bit narrower, which has necessitated some purging of the stuff I have (literally stuff stuffed) in the old wardrobe. It has also left me with a couple piles of books that no longer fit in the wardrobe, that I'm going to have to get creative to find a place for.

The drive home from picking the wardrobe up was pleasant, with snow beginning to fall and swirl around us and over the fields. We picked up some food and pretended it was a "date" (at least I did...) It was just nice to be out of the house for a few hours and not in a clinic or hospital.

Creative projects this month include sketches for a series of watercolors that I've been excited to try, called "The Hidden Life" of Christ. I want to capture the imagination, especially that of children, in relating to the childhood that Jesus must have enjoyed. I also recently bought myself a beginner's wood carving tool kit, because it was cheaper than the little wood figures I've been eyeing, and why not add one more thing to the list of things I don't have time for?! The possibilities are endless and exciting.

As for the political mess that keeps unfolding and the nasty attitudes of many who hold opposing views, which has me deeply concerned for the future world our children will be left with, my plan is to stay home as much as possible, live simply, and love my babies. Best words to embrace this motto are taken from Psalm 145:

Put not your trust in princes ...

Blessed is he whose hope is in the Lord his God.

Life Lately, October 2020

A thought keeps asserting itself in my mind this year. And the thought is that I need to write a book. Obviously I keep pushing the thought away because, really, who has time to write a book? But also because the topic would be, "A Comedy of Errors"... and I'm really truly avoiding the negative here.

But old habits die hard and my sarcastic sense of humor can't help but see the ridiculous in all these things gone wrong. It's hard not to just sit back and laugh (perhaps a little madly) and shake your head. And aside from Covid and the wildfires and natural disasters and the murder hornets and other invading insects, political debacle, and more, all I'm referring to is personal. 

Perhaps I should write it, just for my own perusal at a later date--if the world has not ended by then. And then maybe, just maybe, I will laugh and laugh and maybe cry a little for that me of long ago who got so worked up over these things, but also compassionate in remembering the anguish I harbored though it all.

What would I call the book? The Horrible Awful? And the Rains Came? And the Darkness Grasped her Not? Something Biblical sounds appropriate. How about the tirelessly optimistic, A Prelude to Victory?

But I'm rambling.

I see the sunshine today, and I can feel the love of God, and I know it's going to be alright. If it was easy we'd be doing something wrong. I have found the tiny things that help refill my cup so that I don't spill so negatively on those around me.  And because of that I've been allowing myself small breaks to do those things, even if it means I am perpetually behind on grading homework. 

I'm reading a new book that is...well, amazing so far. Mere Motherhood by Cindy Rollins already has me nodding, laughing, and crying along with the veteran homeschooling mother of 9. Quotes that got me: "And that is how motherhood begins for most of us. We walk into a hospital and walk out with a mewling, puking wonder of the world," and, "Perhaps the greater portion of you are in the middle years. You are just starting to panic a little bit. [A little bit?] You are beginning to realize that tea parties don't cure sin. ...You may miss stamping out a fire or two. ... You are not alone. We who have gone before are still here. We will look you in the eye and say, "Motherhood hurts like hell" but the old dragon skin does peel away," and finally, "We do not write our own stories; we just think we do. My story belongs to Jesus..." Yeah. Yeah.

Gavin is doing this month's family read aloud, "Because of Winn Dixie." He loves to add dramatic flourishes to his stories, which I love about him. 

We just wrapped up week 10 of school here. I'm trying to avoid the "just power through" mentality this year in favor of embracing the joy of learning (positivity, ya'll!!!) but, dang. I'm tired. I have to trick my children into doing school. If I sit here like it's my job they flee like game before the hunter. However, if I find a comfy spot to curl up with a book and call out, hey guys, listen to this! Isn't that amazing! and keep reading, more often than not they'll stick around. Oh, snacks help too. Never forget to bait your prey.

Eli has taken a new position at the ethanol plant...one that comes with a regular schedule! It's still new but the move is already paying off. No more shifting from nights to days to nights every two weeks, no more 5 on, 2 off, 2 on, 5 off, every other weekend, no more 12 hour days (unless he wants overtime), and no more sitting in an office. He is active, outside, he's home in the mornings to help reinforce school, and he has weekends off!!! We've already taken advantage of this twice and made plans the last two weekends! I'm just a little excited.

We took a drive last weekend and went up the Mississippi a bit. Peak color week had passed but it was still beautiful. And then I leaned too far out the window with my phone trying to take a picture, and the wind snagged it, and my phone went cartwheeling down the highway at 50 miles an hour. It peeled my "high impact" case off one corner and shattered it, but it still works. It's not like me if my phone doesn't have battle wounds. 

Ash is getting huge, and I know this is just the beginning. He is so naughty. It was one thing having a tiny naughty puppy in the house. Nothing is safe anymore. This big, lumbering brute can snag things off tabletops and seems to have a keen sense for when anything drops on the floor. Poor Mojo's favorite thing to do is nap curled up in a fuzzy blanket; Ash's favorite thing to do is snag Mojo's blanket and run. Or put his nose an inch from Mojo and wriggle in delight as Mojo growls and growls. He has trimmed the overhanging leaves from all my houseplants, scalped a bath mat, and shredded countless Lego instructions and pencils. He loves playing tug-of-war and tag and moves furniture when he forgets to watch where he's running. Recently he let himself out the back door when he had to go out by jumping and pulling the door handle.

Last week I brought down Addie's dollhouse from her room. We had finished a small 500 piece puzzle and cleared the end of the dining room table off, so that's where the dollhouse went so she can play down here. It has become the "Calico Cottage" for her Hopscotch rabbit family of Calico Critters, but really, would be more suited as a Calico Orphanage because she could care less about the parent figures. Addie just wants all the babies. They're just so "tute!" I found the dollhouse a couple years ago for $30 on the Facebook Marketplace and my plan was to always fix it up. It's more enjoyable than a puzzle! So far I've put a new wood floor on the front porch, replaced the porch roof, multiple missing pieces of trim, shingles, and blades in the half-timbered design, and rebuilt a few window boxes. I'm also rebuilding the balcony railing. I also got two walls re-wallpapered in the bedroom. Addie's favorite color: PINK. 

I picked up a used copy of Alicia Paulson's "Embroidery Companion," some tea towels, and a new embroidery hoop in the hopes that I may start embroidering sometime this winter. Because I don't have enough to do already, you know.

And Ian has his first set of staples...in the back of his head. It was about 10:30 at night, they were all supposed to be in bed, and of course they weren't. One little monkey was jumping on the bed. He fell off and bumped his head. Mama ran to the doctor and the doctor said, "We're gonna staple that shut now, hold still."

So Far This Winter....

...Gavin turned 8! We generally don't do a lot for birthdays, but the birthday boy gets to pick his birthday cake and birthday meal. This year Gavin wanted a chocolate and strawberry layer cake with chocolate frosting and cherries on top.

...Ian's vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds....unfortunately, his favorite consonant is "p". Therefore his newly learned (and often used) words consist of such things as:

Poup (soup)

Poo-pay (toothpaste)

Poo-puh (toothbrush)

You get the picture. His second favorite consonant is "b", though he mostly uses it in the words "Bubba", "bobo", and "baby" (who he knows is in Mama's belly). My quick yelling of "BABY!" has saved little sister from being pounced on in utero on more than a few occasions. Ian will be 3 in one month.

...A week ago we had Eli's work Christmas party. I'm the kind of person who would rather stay in the comfort of my own nest...especially in winter...and even more especially when I'm pregnant. I don't like crowds or a lot of attention. But I went. Eli, true to form, wore his "ugly Christmas sweater"...that had flashing LED lights all over it. It's hard to stay incognito when you have a walking Christmas tree next to you! The theme of the night was "horse racing" and we got to bet on races to have our names drawn for prizes. They also gave out other bigger prizes all night long. I rarely win anything, but this year I won an Amazon gift card. Eli won, to my excitement, a Nespresso Vertuoline espresso/cappuccino/latte maker with an aeroccino mug to heat and whip milk! It's exciting enjoying a "fancy" coffee without having to leave the house! Now I just need to reorder the decaf coffee pods....

...It finally snowed enough for Eli to use the snowblower I got him for Christmas! He was excited and thoroughly enjoyed it. I think he wished for a larger driveway for the first time in his life.

...We've also discovered that it takes an incredible amount of  LP gas to heat this house in the winter. We have a 500 gallon tank and need to have it refilled monthly. Because of this we're debating whether to spend a very large amount of money on insulating the whole house, or to put in a new energy efficient furnace and AC unit, along with taking down the chimney and patching the roof where it was. I think the new furnace option is going to win the debate. This means that the cosmetic things we want to replace inside the house will stay on the back burner for a while longer. Meanwhile...it can get cold in here.

...Winter is hard. I get it. But I've been giving Eli some grief lately for his new hobby. He has started feeding the squirrels. Yes, every other member of my family has waged war against the pesky rodents, and I'm sure my dear Grandpa, God rest his soul, would be appalled. I think the inspiration struck when we moved here and noticed a unique squirrel frequenting the area. He is normal "squirrel colored" on his back and tail, but his belly and face look like he went down a slip 'n' slide full of black oil. We started calling him Blackie. Our neighbor, Bill, feeds the squirrels, so Eli decided to fashion an eating platform out of scrap wood with nails in it to hold ears of corn, similar to Bill's. This was a huge hit in squirrel town. Then Eli made a special trip to town to buy more squirrel food. And THEN he upped his game by throwing his own snacks, salted peanuts in the shell, all over the tree stumps by the squirrel feeder. I was getting a bit concerned at this point (I may need to hide the peanut butter, you know?) but thinking there's still a chance that this is just a normal hobby, when he went crazy yelling and waving at blue jays for stealing the squirrels' peanuts. Blue jays. Hmmm.

This is the best photo I could get of Blackie (on the right). I tried to open the window to get a good photo of the feeder, but it scared away the squirrels...and angered the natives.

...A couple nights ago Gavin took Mojo out one last time before bed. When he came back inside he was shaking and out of breath. He said he had heard an animal snuffling around the back of the garage, and when he looked he saw a raccoon coming at him. "I knew because he had a mask and everything!" He ran inside, dragging the dog with him. The next morning there was a dead raccoon in our yard. I called the DNR, hoping they would want to come pick it up and test it for disease. I'm waiting to hear back. I'm so happy Gavin knew what to do! It's always good to explain to your children what to do if they encounter a strange-acting animal.

...Aidan (9) and Gavin have started training to be altar boys. They are so excited about it! The brothers that accompany Father from the Holy Angels Brothers Novitiate (formerly St. Thomas Aquinas Seminary) have been working with them. At home we practice what they learned from the brothers, and the Latin responses for Low Mass. Because of this we have moved on up in church, from the back pew to within four or so pews from the front. I can't quite describe the loss of comfort at leaving our "home" pew. I know it's for the best, but there's a sense of peace knowing that no one is staring at you from the back, and many many less people are witnessing the not-so-church-like behavior of some young men back there. Just last Sunday Ian decided to sprint down the pew before Eli or I could grab him, lean over the back of it and say, "Hi, Bobo!" to a little girl behind us. After Mass while we were collecting our things he sneaked under two pews, ending up trapped between older ladies with no where to go. Thankfully our parishioners are very kind and understanding.

...The boys have been busy making and building things with the sets they got for Christmas. A couple favorites are K'nex and Legos. Aidan also got a crystal growing set that makes lovely crystals.

...And boxes are being repurposed into robots! Unfortunately, one of them had some styrofoam left in it that Ian found before I did.

...Tomorrow we start week 20 of school! Only 16 more to go....oofda. Liam has been working extra hard on his alphabet, and can sound out some simple words now.

...And finally, only 12 weeks and 4 days left until we get to meet this baby girl!