Scale Sunday: Week 9

Here we are again. I'm still plodding along in my trench, wishing for something to blow it up. What is this? Why the violence, you ask? Probably because I'm still not at peace with this healthy diet business. I'm just going to come out with some brutal honesty here: I've detoured again from the healthy side of the battle and have been blazing a new trail along the boundary waters of Pseudo-Healthy Diet Land, where numbers and measurements reign as dictators. Why is this foreign country so enticing? Because...vanity. It's a hard one to shake.

The Five Stages of Dieting:

1. Awareness. This stage can last a very long time, but is recognizable by a person's vocal lamentations of their health/size/appearance. All you chicas don't know it but ya'lls brains are already in diet camp. 
2. Action. The second stage is marked by zealous purging of all that is unhealthy in addition to manic exercise. Little Debbie meets the dumpster, and the fridge drawer with the veggie icons on it is appropriately filled with kale and broccoli instead of Reddi Wip, Cheez Whiz, and the Betty Crocker frosting with a spoon left in it. A heating pad, Icy Hot, and ginger tea are your best friends during this stage as every inch of your body protests your newfound obsession. Dabbling in popular diets is also characteristic of this stage.
3. Anger. Ah, Stage 3. You cause the death of millions of diets worldwide. This is the fight or flight stage. You've made visible progress but it's soooo slooooww and it's been sooo looong since you've dipped fries in a milkshake (or if you're like me, sweet and sour sauce). It doesn't matter that you can see the finish line. It's all an illusion anyway, right? Your angry, calorie-deprived brain cells start clamoring out reasons why it's okay to indulge. There's nothing like others enjoying comfort food around you to fan the fires of angry rebellion scorching your soul. You can recognize Stage 3-ers by the murderous glint in their eyes as they sit in their corners maliciously crunching on kale chips or stabbing each bite of spinach salad as if it might get up and walk away unless they kill it first. 
4. Acceptance. If you were strong enough to make it through Stage 3, you are rewarded with the comparable peace of Stage 4. Your beaten down lower appetites meekly accept the new regime with little grumbling during this stage. You find new ways to make food healthy and delicious that don't involve bacon and whipped cream. You feel good. Habits are steering this train.
5. Maintenance. This is oddly enough the hardest stage to be in. It's also known as Life. You've made it to the finish line--only, you've been lied to. It's not really a finish line, but a line in the sand that marks the scary beige land of keeping on. If you allow yourself to become buddies with Complacency in Stage 5 you will wake from a fog some months later to find yourself smack dab back in Stage 1.  

I'm currently at Stage 3. Thus the TNT.

The wall I hit a week or two ago remains, I'm just creeping along beside it. I spent some time studying this wall, trying to figure out what led to the wall, and why it appeared so suddenly. One explanation kept surfacing: fatigue.

I've discovered I'm really good at following the rules I've laid down for myself in my mind. Blame it on OCD or the quirks of my mind, but it takes a defining point and a clear shift of goals for these rules to change. It explains why I needed to initiate another "leg of this health journey" to motivate myself and justify a change of rules. I can easily admit that cutting back on my Sunday splurges would probably save me a lot of work playing catch up the next week. Oh, but the rules say Sunday I can splurge! All day long! By Sunday all the treats and cravings I've postponed all week have accumulated quite a list. So that's what I'm struggling with currently. I need to set a Sunday calorie limit for myself that will account for a couple treats but not exceed 2000 calories. My daily caloric limit is 1200 calories, but most often I end the day around 1000-1100.

This week marks a few goals attained. I've officially lost 61 pounds since January 1, 2018. I am now just 2 pounds heavier than when I was married, and a mere 7 pounds from the goal I set for myself August 30th. It would seem so much more attainable if it didn't feel as though I had concrete blocks attached to my feet.