While I'm not always entirely certain which direction a blog post will go when I begin writing, I generally try to keep the tone uplifting and inspiring--at the very least, humorous. Obviously I don't always succeed, as was the case with "Finding Beauty". I apologize to any of you who felt worse after reading the post.
I feel the need to clarify that it was about no one in particular, and my life in general. I like to touch on real life topics in my posts, as in my "Depression" post, and in my miscarriage post. Unfortunately, life is often messy, confusing, overwhelming, and hectic. I try to end each post with a positive thought, or the redirection/inspiration that helped me out of my rut. Just writing things out often makes a big difference for me. But Satan is hard at work among us, sewing seeds of hate and discord. I was hurting when I wrote it, and hurt people hurt people. I should have looked for another way to unburden myself of the sorrow I was carrying.
My blog is public for a reason, so please don't hesitate to message me if you feel so inclined to. I prefer messages of positivity as much as the rest of you, but if you feel the need to vent I'm here to listen.
This illustrates how naive I've been, but in the past I honestly thought that I was the only one who struggled like I did. The first articles I ever read describing in detail women/mothers dealing with some of the same things I've experienced gave me such a sense of relief--literally like a weight was lifted--knowing I wasn't alone, I wasn't the dysfunctional being I felt like. My blog is public to reach out to those mamas who feel alone, who feel they have no one to confide in, who feel out of place in what should be encouraging, supportive circles in their lives. God put us on this earth together to help each other, to lean on each other, to listen to each other, to uplift each other, as very few of us are actually called to be hermits.
So, in that same spirit, I'm going to share a few things that helped me get my head above water when I was really struggling. (Starting with the most obvious....)
- Prayer (in a dark, quiet place, and persevere even when it's hard to think). This seems so obvious, but when I'm really anxious and can barely form a cohesive thought, I beg my Guardian Angel to pray in my place. That's what they're there for. Literally, over and over: Guardian Angel, pray for me. Guardian Angel, pray for me.
- Read inspiring stories, or old stand-bys (thank you for "Philothea", dear St. Francis! Anything by Mary Reed Newland is also gold. Job.)
- Exercise and sunshine. These are two of the most important elements to joy that are the easiest for me to forget (or put off). We've been trying to implement the best parts of camp into our everyday lives, so we've added PT in the mornings this school year: stretches, jumping jacks, and a run down the yard 10 times. We have a very long, private back yard that allows even me to join in!
- Laughter. It's almost impossible when you're in the grips of depression, but being silly helps. Sometimes making weird faces at my little people till they're all rolling is medicine. One particularly rough day, every time someone cried to me for something, I crossed my eyes and said, "Whaaat?" in a strange voice. It worked. Watch a funny video (we have a collection of home videos the boys love to watch, mostly of them being goofy when they were smaller), read a funny book.
- Address the things that have been giving you anxiety in your life. Sometimes I'm not even sure what's causing me grief, but I have a general sense of worry. It's helpful for me in those times to do a sort of examination of what's going on in my life, what obligations I have, what I've been mostly focusing on. Usually I find there is nothing at all to explain the anxiety, and almost like that it disappears. I've also gotten into the habit of offering my anxiety for the conversion of the worst sinner on earth...and also just like that, it disappears. Anxiety is a tool of Satan and he hates having his tools used against him.
- Make lists. If you haven't realized this by now, I love making lists and categorizing things. My journals are full of lists: how to minimize my closet, to-do lists, things to make lists, etc. It helps me organize what I should be doing, what are priorities, what I don't need to be worrying about (similar to above).
- Aromatherapy: I light candles alot. I also use essential oil in diffusers around the house, and have been dropping lemongrass essential oil into the rugs and carpet. It makes the house smell fresh and a lot less like the million-dirty-footprints I feel like it smells like otherwise. I don't even care if it destroys the rugs at this point.
- Bake cookies. Make anything, really. We started taking more breaks in our school days to work on craft projects, and you know what? The boys' morale is so much higher when they have that to look forward to.
- Good music. Sing. (For me, singing falls under the "laughter" bullet point above...no one around here can keep a straight face when I sing.)
- Lastly, but not least, lay it all out for your mama if you can. If you can't talk to your mama, most of us have an older woman in our lives, a "matriarch" of sorts, who is our navigation point, our rock. I'm so thankful for my mama.
And again I want to thank those of you who reached out to me in kindness, who sent words of assurance, a note of understanding. You all helped me more than you know.
