The First Three Months

I have officially hit the 2nd trimester of this pregnancy--14 weeks and a day, to be exact--and I cannot be more relieved. I am a nervous mess the first three months of pregnancy. It may be hard to understand for those who do not suffer from anxiety, or who have never lost a baby, but some whole weeks were dealt with minute by minute.

This is the post of truth. I am more than happy to suffer these things for the greater good that is coming, but I'm choosing to share these experiences to ask for prayers, because I am weak, and for those mamas who are going through similar things. You are not alone. Just ask and you have my prayers as well. I have a litany of expecting mothers I pray for every morning.

During weeks 7 and 8 I had so many moments of panic, requiring me to sit and breathe deeply, at times bending my head down to my knees to alleviate the light-headedness I was feeling. This poor baby. There were moments of utter terror where everything seemed to be going belly-up. They passed, and I moved on to the next worry.

My morning sickness--more appropriately, all day sickness-- has been very different this pregnancy. It didn't start until 4 weeks (the last two pregnancies I was nauseous almost immediately). And it has lasted up until this week. At times I would get a day or two of good days, then a string of 5-7 really rough days. Monday and Tuesday were rough, but I am now on my third day of little to no nausea, which is such a relief. Maybe now that I'm in the 2nd trimester the crumminess has passed? We shall see. Exhaustion remains, though it's been a state of life for the last ten years. I've also had heartburn on and off since the very beginning, so I know the hairy baby/heartburn prediction is a myth.

This is my 8th pregnancy (imagine the shocked reactions I get every time I have to tell a nurse or technician that!); you'd think by now I'd know what to eat or not. Yet I Google every single thing I put in my mouth, worried I've forgotten what might hurt the baby. Despite this concern, I made the mistake of buying a packaged salad from a gas station one Sunday after Mass. It was a rough day. I took the boys to Mass alone, I was burned out, and thought lettuce was a better choice than any of the other fast food options that presented themselves. I chose a lettuce/veggie mix that had no meat or dressing in it, for safety's sake. However, I was waken at midnight with the worst stomach pains I had felt in a very long time. I spent most of the next 24 hours on the couch or running to the bathroom. A few hours into this nightmare Eli's Mom came to watch the boys and I drove myself to the clinic so my doctor could see me. Sure enough, I had food poisoning. With all the warnings not to eat deli meats, raw seafood, and all sorts of other things because of the danger of bacteria causing miscarriage or birth defects in babies, I was so scared for this little one. My doctor reassured me though that in most cases food poisoning is harmless to baby, as long as you stay hydrated. At any rate, it does me no good to worry about something I cannot change.

We have our baby girl name decided on. It has been decided on for a few years now....we've just never needed it. We have three or four boy's first names we are considering, but the boy middle name is decided. If we can't get any farther than that we may end up calling this baby by his middle name....

So there are the highlights of the first trimester for you. Despite the scares and the worry and the sick, there have been moments of such great joy and love for this new little life. During my 12 week OB appointment there was some worry that I was experiencing placental abruption, so my doctor grabbed the ultrasound machine to check on baby. Everything turned out to be ok, thankfully. Baby had grown and heartbeat was strong and healthy. I am always in awe watching these tiny little arms wave and these tiny little legs kick and this tiny little body wiggling. I have watched this video about 500 times, and it never gets old. At the time of this ultrasound baby was just over 2 inches long. And I cannot wait to see baby again!