Why We Homeschool

When searching for the "gaping hole" in my blog, it became obvious that homeschooling was it. I very rarely post strictly about homeschooling, only occasionally including bits here and there of what we do.

The reasons for this are many and diverse, but mostly because homeschooling is my job--along with raising boys, sweeping, scrubbing, baking, and all the rest that goes hand-in-hand with being a housewife and a mama. When you get home from work at the end of the day, when you get a free moment to sit down, it's not always a pleasant activity hashing over what you just spent all day doing. As much as you may feel joy in what you do and satisfaction that it was good, you need to reserve some stamina for the next day and give your mind a rest.

I've started homeschooling posts in the past that quickly fizzled out for lack of proper direction. I didn't know where to start, with so many things to cover. This post has been sitting in draft form for well over a month. If you knew how many thousands of words I've deleted for fear of sounding preachy or ranting or rambling, you'd be surprised this ever got published at all. After much thought, I conceded there was no way to cover everything in one post and get it over with (hehehe), so I'll start at the beginning and explain why we decided to homeschool. This question was asked repeatedly in the weeks following our initial decision.

I wanted to homeschool from the beginning, especially since I was homeschooled. Eli was not at all sure it was the best choice for our family. He wanted his boys to be Chickasaws and to attend the same school he had. He had visions of attending football games and watching his little guys excel at sports. Which, as I explained to him then, is still completely possible when you homeschool by dual-enrolling.

I remember when we told some family that we were sending Aidan to public school in the fall of 2011, I could almost hear the collective sigh of relief. Phew! He has a chance at being normal! Maybe it was my imagination; maybe not. There were exclamations of, "Good! He'll really love it!" and offers to help get school supplies. We really are blessed with generous family.

And so Eli hauled Aidan off to school that first day of preschool, with me sitting at home feeling like I had swallowed a rock. I couldn't even take him to his first day of school because Liam was still just a newborn, only a couple weeks old. It all felt so wrong. Gavin was in about as rough shape as I was, and parked himself in front of the back door, sobbing. His playmate and best friend was gone, and the new baby took up way too much of Mama's time and arms. His world was tipped on its head. We sobbed together.

As the weeks wore on we grew accustomed to the new way of life. Eli was on 3rd shift at that time, so he'd get home from work and stay up to take Aidan to school before heading to bed. I had to pick Aidan up from school, leaving the house at 3 pm...right smack in the middle of nap time. Eli's Mom was a life-saver, and would stop by on her way home from work most days to sit with the boys so I could run to school to get Aidan. Thankfully we only lived about seven blocks from school. The real struggle was when work ran late for her and she couldn't be here. I'd have to pack up itty baby Liam and toddler Gavin and literally carry them along with me. I'll be forever grateful to her for the load she took off my shoulders during those first couple years of school.

Within a month of starting preschool, Aidan began displaying unpleasant behavior. I caught sight of him in the rear-view mirror one day making obscene hand gestures. I pulled the vehicle over to have a chat with him, and thankfully never saw him do it again. He didn't even know what it meant or that it was bad, it was just what he saw the other boys doing. He began taking God's Name in vain because teacher does it! I had to frequently explain that we don't do that because it's disrespectful to God and against the Second Commandment--so important that God designated a commandment to it--and I'm sure teacher didn't know better!

You can't shelter him forever, mama.  I've heard this argument so many times. Why must everyone think that innocent, impressionable little children need to be desensitized to the world as soon as possible? Isn't it a beautiful thing to protect their innocence as long as possible? All too soon they're submerged in a world of disgusting jokes, obscene gestures, rude and mocking playground songs.

Your children are going to be ignorant and won't fit in with the rest of the kids. If I traded smart-mouthed, cocky boy attitudes for respectful, kind even-if-socially-awkward attitudes, they are better off. There is absolutely no use for the kind of cultural information they learn in school. For example, the sexually-suggestive gyrating that now constitutes as "dancing" can only have been born in a culture that threw morals out the window. Children are consitently exposed to music videos and pop culture (even integrated into such so-called "educational" programs as Sesame Street), by adults who think it is so cute that littles know how to "twerk" and spasm around like the possessed. Call me a prude if you will, but modesty and propriety, once virtues, have no place anymore in public education. A steady diet of pop culture makes it almost impossible for children to appreciate the beauty of the classics. Try having your child listen to Debussy for more than 10 minutes, and see how they react.

When Aidan would get home from school he was like a zombie, drained by the day of activities, forced socialization, and sensory overload. He didn't care to play with his little brother, or would take a superior stance with him, proclaiming that Gavin "didn't know how to play" this or that game and it was only for his best friends at school. He was allowed to play on an iPad at school as part of his education, and every day he lamented how we didn't have one at home. By kindergarten the novelty of these things had worn off and he'd often cry he didn't want to go to school. Aidan is a very sensitive child though, and I'm sure some of the drama that plagued him is not an issue for other children. By mid-school year, his teacher should have known this about him. I believe on the scale of good/bad teachers she was good, but mistakes were still made. Aidan is a slow, methodical worker, or a daydreamer. He definitely works at his own pace--but you can't in school. He began having recesses taken away because he wasn't done with things when everyone else was. Fearing he was going to miss recess again, he hurried up once and colored a picture of himself and his friends he was working on with whatever color he happened to have in his hand. That color, unfortunately, was flesh-toned. His teacher asked out loud, in front of his peers, why he drew everyone naked. They laughed, and he was mortified. That was one of the many days he came home sobbing, begging to never go back.

There was a little girl in his class who was cruel to him, but I didn't hear anything about it until I confronted his teacher. I'm all for kids being stoic, standing up for themselves, and not whiny about things. But I have a right to know what's going on with my child all day long, and expect some remediation. When I met with Aidan's teacher I received a very long, emotional complaint about there being so many kids, not enough eyes, and not enough hours to spare for each child. In one instance Aidan had been shoved by a "big kid" in one of the higher grades. The principal witnessed the tail end of whatever he did, but hadn't seen the whole thing. Both Aidan and the big kid were punished the same. Too many children, not enough adult eyes. Picking Aidan up from school became a heart-wrenching ordeal, each day wondering if he'd come out of the door bawling again. It got bad enough for him in kindergarten that he started having regular sessions with the school counselor designed for kids with behavioral issues. They suggested getting him tested because he was displaying signs of being on the autism spectrum; the counsellor said medication may be necessary.

In our society it has become common for parents to step down as the first and main educators of our children. Careers often take a seat front and center while children are sent off first to daycare, then to school. Parents seem to become more and more taxi services and entertainment venues, and are indignant when they learn some things aren't taught in schools. The first and most important learning happens at home. Regardless of where your child goes to school, as a parent you are responsible for what your child learns. A key example are the "Take Charge of Your Body" classes that I elected to have Aidan sit out of for both preschool and kindergarten. (Side note: When I told his teacher I did not want him to be part of the classes, she audibly sighed and said she supposed he could sit in the library, but he would be the only one and he would feel left out. I then got a call from the school counselor who had to tell me how dangerous it was for Aidan not to know everything taught in the classes, that it would make him vulnerable to abuse, and if I decided to take on the huge task of teaching him about these things myself there were certain points he absolutely should know.) Don't get me wrong, it's extremely important to teach your children that they have "private parts", and that no one is ever allowed to touch unless parents are helping them get clean or doctors are keeping them healthy. I don't for one second think that it's ok for teachers to talk about these things with kids, especially in a group setting, with a bunch of peers. This throws open the door to dialogue about body things, which often fuels misinformation about biological facts, and too much information about other things that little children have absolutely no use for. I've been there. I know what little girls whisper about on the playground or on the bus ride home, and what curious little boys joke about among themselves.

For Aidan's kindergarten year Michelle Obama's new-and-improved school lunches took effect. We had been paying for school lunches because it was easier for me and one less thing to do. After a couple weeks of Aidan coming home starving I started packing his lunch just so he got enough to eat. It never happened to Aidan, but I heard stories of teachers even taking "unhealthy" food items out of students' lunchboxes.

The last straw for me was when the school was put on lock-down twice the same year. Add "control freak" to the list of charges against me, but not being able to get to my child when there was a dangerous situation in the area had me in a panic. One lock-down was because of a bank robbery that occurred south of us, and the bank robbers fled in our direction. Where do psychopaths go to shoot at people? Crowded places. Schools, malls, theaters. The other lock-down was because of a tornado warning, and I was locked down in an outer hallway in the school with our two littlest boys for a very long time. Aidan was not with us. The last straw for Eli was when he was reading a note the teacher had sent home in Aidan's backpack. He commented, "Wow, her grammar is worse than mine! I think we'll let Aidan finish out his kindergarten year there and then we can give homeschooling a try."

I've tried very hard not to turn this post into a rant because in the end, everyone needs to make their own informed decisions what is best for their family. I'm very passionate about my children's education, so it's very difficult not to rant about public schools. :) Homeschooling is not for everyone, and even I had doubts as to whether we could do it. It's very intimidating, but also one of the best decisions we've ever made.

Some of the most indignant about our choice to homeschool were public school teachers. Let me just say that our decision is not an insult to you or a reflection of the work you do. Without dedicated public school teachers so many more children would slip through the cracks. I had a couple teachers myself that I absolutely loved the first few years I attended public school. But then there was that one who pulled a bra out of her sleeve as a 2nd grade Halloween party trick that just makes you wonder.

Do you have a teaching degree? What makes you qualified to teach your children?
No teaching degree here. I sometimes learn right along with my boys. We have teacher's manuals and the school we get our curriculum from has tutors on hand in case we run into a real noggin-scratcher. I'm qualified to teach my children because God made me their mother, and no one is more invested in their success than me.

What about sports? Can they take sports?
Yes, if they want to, through our town's Parks & Rec Department or by dual-enrolling with the public school.

Do they have friends? How do you socialize them?
Children socialize themselves. Especially my children. My oldest two have a lot of their father's blood in them and are not shy. They have friends from our church and have made friends recently at the homeschool workshops they've attended.

Aren't you worried they won't be on track with other kids their age? How do you know they're learning what they're supposed to?
Not worried. Each child learns at his own pace whether he's in public, private, parochial, or homeschool. The school we get our curriculum from is accredited, and we go at the pace each of our sons excels at. If they need more time to work on a troublesome subject, we have all the time in the world. There is no child left behind around here. There are also standardized tests they can take. Real life living holds more learning opportunities than sitting in a classroom in a controlled environment. Learning is spontaneous at home. We read a lot of books and do a lot of exploring. Homeschooling builds great studying and research bones.

What about college?
If our boys want to go, that is their choice. They will have to pay their own way, the same deal I was offered. They'll have to work hard if it's what they truly want. I have no concerns about homeschoolers being rejected by colleges. Top universities are actually more likely to accept homeschoolers than standard students. And to date, no school system, college, or university has rejected our school's official student transcripts.

And there you have it, my first official homeschooling post! To come are posts dealing with the curriculum and resources we use, how we organize our day, and more.

Are there any other questions you would like answered about why we homeschool?